Friday, November 30, 2012

i Cut My Hair

I cut my hair because I use to hide behind it. I didn't wear the hair, the hair wore me. Somehow, I let my hair define me. I felt like I was nothing without it. It gave me a feeling of security. A safe kind of feel. Without hair laying on my shoulders I felt ugly and less than average. But I finally decided I ws going to break free. I wanted to know what it felt like to be free from the chains I called my hair. Cutting my hair was symbolic to cutting my fear. Ive become unique. Ive become spontaneous. Ive evolved into the girl ive always been inside. No longer does my mind recognize the word "safe" but my spirit lives for the word fearless. And its all because I cut my hair.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Tales From The Hood

The hood is filled with stories. Stories of faliure. Stories of tragedy. Stories of defeat. Stories of regret. Within these stories, you'll realize that people didn't exactly choose to be here. But the reality is, when life knocks you down,getting back up is hard to do. The people here once had dreams too. But somewhere along their journey, an obstacle was too great to get over. That one obstacle landed them here. In the hood. There is still love within the hood.But pain is still embedded in the faces of the elderly. However, hope still bursts throughout the bodies of the children. The people here still wonder what life is like outside of the box. They can't help but wonder what their lives would be like in any other world but their own. They know struggle. They understand it. They live it. They know how hard it is to keep your head up when it seems as though the world has fallen upon it. You can go all over the world and hear stories. Stories about everything. From heartbreak to death.but there is NOTHING like the raw and real tales you get from the hood.

Dear 30 Year Old Yaya

I wonder if we act the same.Do you still like the same kind of music? Did you ever meet Syleena? If so, did you scream her name like I knew you would do? Did she blow you a kiss like I dreamer? When you met her backstage, did you cry? I know you did. I bet you did the "ugly" cry. Did she smell good? I bet she smelled like peaches. Is she still "junkin"? You know that's her word. Did you ever graduate from Spellman? Did you move to Atlanta? Did you marry the man of your dreams? Or did you sell your soul to Satan? Did you ever have your 5 kids? You know, Aubrey, Maleena, Jordan, Ayden, and Harmony? Or did you have your twins Whitney & Brittney? Do you live in a big house like we imagined? Do you have a black chihuahua named Chachi like we planned? Is "Slowly" & "I Cut My Hair" still your favorite songs? I have so many things I want to ask you. Its like I don't know you, even though we're the same person. I guess I'll see in 15 years.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Morning Love

I want to make love to you. But not just any kind of love. I wanna send you to work happy. Let me send a silent message to all of your co-workers . Telling them that you belong to me. Let me leave my scent lingering on you. Let it act as ink. Writing my name all over your body. I wanna make the kind of love that leaves marks on the parts of your body that are for my eyes only. The kind that leaves a brilliant glow around me. I want it to be unforgettable. I want my lipstick to stain your skin. I want to still feel your wet kisses on me the rest of the day. I want to make the kind of love that brands you mine. When you come home, I want thou to pick me up and tell me how good I made you feel that morning. Whisper to me and tell me how much you want me over and over.Rub my back softly. I want to make love. But not just any kind of love. But the kind that captures your soul.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Shero

There are some people in this world that believe that superwoman isn't real. These people have fooled themselves. I've seen her before. Sprinkling love here, there, everywhere its needed. She has a silent kind of power. She doesn't need to be loud or ignorant to be heard. When she speaks, everyone listens. For her strength is evident through her voice. You can see the class and elegance throughout her just by the way she carries herself. People ask her to do things she doesn't want to do. But she does them anyway. She works her butt off 24/7. Determination takes over her mind. She's a go-getter. The definition of a boss. She probably doesn't know it, but she's a true inspiration and role model to young girls. Graceful and God fearing? That's what makes her diffrent. Even when she's tired and her day has been rough. When she's stressed out she still manages to place a smile upon her face. She balances being a mother and a wife with being a role model. I couldn't imagine how hard it is. See. I told you. Supereoman does exists. Who can balance being a buisness woman, a wife, a mother, and a role model? Nobody but superwoman. She doesn't wear a cape. Nor does she fly. But that doesn't make her unreal. I proved that superwoman roams the earth. Have I ever seen superwoman before? I sure have. I call her shero.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Memories

Remember our first date? When we thought the night revolved around us. You were an extreme gentleman. Never once did you get out of line or presesure me You were actually genuine. Your were everything my mother told me didn't exsist. Still to this day I cant understand why I immediately trusted you. Maybe it was because of how attentive and understanding you were when I talked. Yeah. That's probably what it was. I remember walking hand-in-hand around the city with no destination in mind. I felt like I was on top of the world. The first time you kissed me, passion bursting throughout my body. Sending feeling to places I didn't know exsisted. When you ran your hand down the sway of my back, I knew then you were the one. Remember the first time we spent the night together? It wasn't planned. But sometimes the best and most memorable events happen without thought. That must be true because we made love until the sun interrupted the night. Remember when you proposed to me? Again something I didn't plan. I don't even remember saying yes. All I remember wasfeeling the warm tears flow down my face staining my shirt. I got speechless as you placed your symbol of love upon my finger. Our wedding day was probably the best day of my life. God must have been watching us because the sun shone extra bright that day. As I came down the aisle, I saw you wipe away your tears. Did you see me whipe away mine? During our first dance you whispered: "you are so beautiful"in my ear. I knew our Love was bounded by the Love of God. When our daughter was born, I saw how joy filled your eyes. The way you hugged and kissed me over and over let me know how thankful you were. I was happy to know that I gave you the one present that no one else could. These events may just be memories now. But just think of the memories that are awaiting to be made.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

The Color Black

I accentuate my blackness to the fullest I take pride in my culture greatly To all the black hero's who came before me, To you I give a special thanks. Although my skin may be colored I'll be dammed if I let it define me. I'm more than just a skin color I'm more than what you label me. If you got to know me, You'd see that I'm not only black, But I'm all the colors of the rainbow. Maybe only the insane can see the diffrent colors bubbling inside me. Or maybe the sane avoids this fact. Either way I wont be defined by the color of my skin but by the brilliance of my mind And the tenderness of my heart The strength in my voice. I have many colors swirling around inside of me. But I do however, take special pride in the color black.

Tired

Im tired of waking up to the sunlight. I'm tired of going to sleep under the dark of the night. I'm tired of taking care of kids. I'm tired of looking at my husband. I'm tired of cooking and taking care of others. I'm tired of going to church. I'm tired of hypocrites judging me. I'm tired of searching for right when wrong is holding me against my will. I'm tired of paying bills. I'm tired of working at a job I HATE just to get ahead. I'm tired of taking two steps forward just to be knocked right back to start. I'm tired of praying when my prayers go unanswered. I'm tired of being disrespected. Tired of my name being dragged through the mud. Even when I don't say anything You should know that my silence is my loudest cry for help. I'm tired of trying to please everyone when my needs go unmet I'm tired of crying for no reason at all. I'm tired of being tired.

Precious Pearl

Is it normal for me to be this nervous? Are my hands suppose to shake like this? Will it hurt? And if so, will the pain be unbareable? Your whispers help calm my nerves. you touch helps relax my muscles. But my mind is still working over-time. What if I don't do it right? Will you feel differently about me? What if I cause you more pain than pleasure? what about after its over? Will I still mean something to you? Will my kisses still leave a trace of sweetness on your lips? Will my scent still make your knees buckle? will the sight of me still make you excited? Will I still come off as being mysterious to you? or will my mystery be a mystery no longer? Will I be everything you imagined? or will I disappoint you? It's not that I'm unsure I know your the one I want to give my pearl to Fear just dominates me in this moment. you being gentle with me helps a great deal. Just give me a second. Let me exhale deeply. Okay. I'm ready. I'm ready to give you my all.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

The Strongest Word

I hate you.
I hate everything about you
The sight of you diguses the hell out of me
The thought of you sickens my soul
The mention of your name is the highest form of disrespect
I can't stand to even smell your scent
It churns my stomach
The thought of you breathing the same air as me drives me insane
Even hearing your laugh can drive me on an endless rampage.
I want to beat you senseless
I want you to feel my pain
I'll feel great joy in crushing your world
Bringing it down from it's high
I want to drag your name through the filthy fields of revenge
I want to handcuff you to misery itself
If i had the upper hand
You would greatly suffer
I would make you feel every ounce of hurt you have put me through
The say hate is a strong word
But if i could find a word stronger,
It would be perfect to define my feelings towards you.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Heat Wave

I'm hot.
Not the sexy kind of hot
But the Sahara kind of hot.
The fire from deep within heats the surface of my skin.
I don't swear
But i glisten softly.

I feel like i'm at the entrance of hell
Like i've placed my finger upon the sun.
This heat is everlasting.
My body quivers.

My heart beats triple time thinking of the cool sensation i will soon feel.
I breathe a sigh of relive as the air condition starts up.

Finally i have removed my finger from the sun.
I no longer stand at the entrance of hell
But i have been places in the arms of an angel
I no longer sweat
Nor glisten
But i lay peacefully in my paradise
All thanks to my air condition.

Crown Her Queen

Most girls spend a lifetime searching for an inspiration
A strong, beautiful woman to look up to
But i was greatly blessed.
God cared for me so much that he sent me an inspiration like you.

You probably will never understand the love i have for you
Words aren't strong enough to explain.
You inspire me to not only chase after my dreams
But to catch them.
You inspire me to never give up on myself
Even when the world around me is tumbling down.

You are an extremly important part of my life
In my heart you have engraved your name
Your the true definition of a queen.
Powerful, yet graceful
Strong, yet loving.

I thank God for you everyday
Your not perfect,
And you dont pretend to be.
Like a flawed diamond
Your still a treasure to me.

Although i've never met you,
I feel as though i have known you forever.
Although we're not related,
I feel as though we are family.

Whenever my time comes to meet you,
I will be so happy to be in your presence.
Finally meeting my inspiration.
My one and only queen.

Friday, November 9, 2012

The Other Woman

Now i see.
There's someone else tying to imitate me.
Satan herself has your mind in captivity
laced with false promises, compliments, and lust.
she lured you into her world and held you against your will.
Slowly molding you into the man she longed for.
That same man was slowly becoming a stranger to me.
The same man i trusted with my life has managed to somehow destroy it.
The love i once had for you has transformed into a deep hatred.
I laugh at the thought of you having sex with her.
You believe your making love.
To her, it's like a buisnesss deal.
You got to give a little something to get a little something.
Don't you know that no woman can ever love you the way i did?
Your like putty in her hands.
She's playing with your heart.
She uses her body like a magic wand.
Making sure granted wishes come her way.
She seduces you with her words.
I don't understand how you are so blind
how you cannot see
something that is so crystal clear to me.
I'm forced to watch the man i onced loved fall to his death.
Murdered by the other woman.

Him: To You I Give My All

I lust for you in every way possible.
My soul needs you like the sky needs the sun.
When I  look into your deep, brown eyes,
my heart beats overtime.
I hold you in my arms as a symbol of protection.
I caress your soft, silk-like skin as a symobl of my afffection.
I whisper "I love you" in your ear because i'm speaking to the heart instead of flesh.
I wonder if you know that i notice the things you try to hide.
I notice how you shake in my arms.
So I hold you tighter.
I see when your hands tremble
That's why I place kisses upon them.
Even though you stutter sometimes when you speak,
I understand you completly.
I think about you constantly when your not in my arms.
I wonder if you think about me too.
I have finally found my purpose in life.
God created me just for you.

Her: Wrapped Up In Love

The way butterflies fill my stomach when your lips touch my skin.
The way the blood rushes through my veins when your strong hands caress my body.
The way chills run down my spine when you whisper softly in my ear.
I don't think you know the affects you have on me.
Don't you ever notice how I melt in your arms?
When I'm with you I dread the thought of parting.
When I'm away from you,
I can't wait until your return.
My mouth waters like hell at the mention of your name.
My body burns with desire at the sight of you.
It's a wonder you never seem to notice how i stutter when I'm around you.
Or how my hands shake uncontrolably.
I wonder if its a name for wht I'm feeling.
This feeling of love.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Unloved

I'm alone in this world.
Just me and my daughter.
Everybody turned their back's on me
Left me feeling unloved.

Although the people I once knew to be my family & friends are gone
My daughter keeps me sane.
Even when i feel like giving up,
She keeps me going strong

She's mine and no one can take her from me.
I need her to need me.
To make me feel wanted.
To make me feel like if nobody else in this world loves me,
She does.

She will never know the feelig of being unloved.
She will never know the feeling of being unwanted.
Of course she will always have a huge place in my heart,
But i also want to five her a special thank you
For loving the unloved.

Stories Untold

The struggles i have overcome
Are some that many can not imagine.

I keep all my stories inside.
My emotions go unseen.

I force a smile upon my face
I blink away my tears.
My life is full of tragedie
Some of which seem so unreal.

I refuse to expose my secrets
Lock them inside of my mind
Like a caged bird.

I choose to laugh insted of crying
I choose to smile to keep from frowning.

I fake the feeling of happiness
So my stories remain untold.

A Stripper's Shine

My body I sacrafice
My heart i ignore
My soul is empty
Nothing and no one belongs there anymore.

The tears I shed dry with time.
I mend the scars within.
I paint my face with a coat of sexy
I blanket my emotions with attitude.

Craving a feeling of importance
Not caring how or where i recieve it.

After a while i start to think
"Is this really me?"
"Is this life really mine?"

I push those thoughts away.
It doesn't matter.
Nothing matters.
Its time for this star to shine.

P.H.A.T

You laugh behind my back,
You talk trash to my face,
But by your rudeness,
I am not phased.

For my body is a temple
Of which I cherish deeply.
From the curve of my breast,
To the curve of my hips.
I even take pride in the plumpness of my lips.

My confidence is everlasting.
Maybe that's what drives you insane.
The fact that your words no longer affect me.
For my cockiness reigns.

When i look into your eyes I see sorrow.
It's very obvious.
The confidence I've finally conquered,
Is one you've longed for but have yet to find.

So even when you laugh behind my back
Or talk trash to my face,
I don't feel threatened or broken.
For by your rudness,
I am not phased.

Silent Cries

Silent Cries

I cover  my ears as my mother's screams interupt the peace surronding me.
My father's shouts and threats rip through the silence like lightning through  the still sky.

As the walls shake and the tears dance on my tongue,
I get on my knees and talk to God.

" When will peace surface again?" I ask Him
"Why does chaos expose its ugly head?"

As tears roll down my face , I continue to speak to Him.
As if He were right beside me.

When my mother's screams come to a hault
And my father's threats cease,
I seal my prayer with and Amen.

For peace has finally returned.