In Memory Of......

Ain't y'all tired of saying RIP?
Or is it only me?
It's gotten to where I'm scared to wake up in the mornings.
As if I didn't already know what to expect.
Of course,
The loss of yet another soul.
The screaming mothers and weeping baby momma's
The sight of a soul-less body with twelve gun shot wounds makes me quiver.
The pain and suffering of life itself etched on his face.
His hand places upon his chest.
Guarding the heart that cost him his life.
It's sad..... The fact that i actually expect this sight.

I'm tired of going to church in the middle of the week just to sit in red pews
Dressed in all black.
Watching everybody within the church's walls reminisce on the memories of the happy times  of their loved ones.
Making them out to be saints.
Knowing damn well they're closer to an aint.
But you know,
No one dares to speak on that.
Keeping the skeletons locked in the closet because we're in the house of the Lord.
As if He can't see through the wooden door.

I'm tired of hearing the pastor preach the same sermon
About how yet another life was taken too soon.
Putting the same amount of money into the same golden collection plates.

I'm tired of hearing the choir sing the same sad ass songs about how he/she has gone on to a better place.
As if they knew the plans God had in store for the people that once were.
Sick of seeing a person...
Who last week,
Walked joyfully down the street,
Be placed six feet under.

Hope for better days mixed in with the residue of fear
I know that the only way I will no longer see the letters "R.I.P"
Is if they're printed above a picture of me.

"Friend"

We sometimes come across friends with different intentions.

A different motive.

It would be conducive to our hearts if we were able to place a friend up to the light,

Like money,

And see clearly which ones were fake and which ones were real.

You have to watch out for certain "friends" 

You know, the ones that cry in your name...

But their tears take no form.

The ones that smile in your face,

But place daggers in your back.

Those same friends that you pledge your loyalty to,

Will be the same friends to laugh hysterically at your pain. 

Where are the people who honestly know what friendship is all about?

The people who will jump in front of a bullet for you.

Who would take time out of their day

Just to come see about you

Back in the day,

Loyalty, respect, and honesty was everything.

Now, you rarely see any of the three.

Everyone is so wrapped up in their own drama, sorrows, and insecurities. 

Evil wears the face of the innocent.

Luring you into a world of false friendship. 

The same people that watched you build yourself up.

All of the blood, sweat, and tears

Will be the same people who will single-handedly try to tear you down. 

Aiming to leave you wilted and deserted. 

In a world like this... 

Its not easy to find a good person with an ear to listen,

A mouth to advise,

Or a heart to truly care. 

Subtracting the frauds from the liars

The thieves from the crazies.

Finding a person who honestly has your best interest at heart is getting harder and harder by the day. 

If only people were like money. 

So we could hold them up to the light,

To see who was real and who was fake. 

Honey Bee

He whispers things in my ear
That no man had ever said
He wrapped me in a sheet lined with passion
His touch made me second guess myself
My mind believes a love like this can't be real
But now my soul is falling into a deep ecstasy
Trying to avoid love drastically
Because in the past,
Love has cost me my pieces of my soul.
Caused me to lose myself.
Finally,
After gaining the strength required to snatch my soul away from satan
In the most of my trials, fear, and bitterness
Stands a man.
A man who holds me when I need him to
As if he truly love me.
But how do I know this isn't the devil in disguise?
How could I be sure that that pecan brown skin and bright smile isn't a fascade?
Those same green eyes that look so good to me
Could possibly be the ones that will hold my soul in captivity.
How do I know that you are these you claim to be?
Even though my heads spins when I smell your scent
And my knees buckle when you hold my waist
I fell in love accidentally
Running away from the possibility of pain
I never got the memo
Somebody should have told me
That there was a such thing
As a love as sweet as honey.

Untitled

Waiting hours upon hours
Watching the days slowly go by
Searching for the sun that might not shine
Praying to God who might not answer me
Or just simply doesn't have the time.
Maybe I'm too far gone
Maybe I've wandered away to a place unknown.
I've realized that i've been searching for a specific thing for so long
That I've managed to lose myself in the process
Piece by piece I began to fade
A shamed to ask for help
Too weak to get on my knees and pray.
Afraid that mine will go unanswered
All I can do is hope that someone can squeeze me in to theirs.
Only able to imagine better days
As I sit alone with my tears and fears.
Wondering why my pleads never seem to reach God's ears.
Sulking in my weak flesh,
Not realizing my spirit stands strong.
When my soul sings a blue song
I know who to call on
But will my cry be silenced by my many sins,
Because i seem to fall short time and time again.
I hope He will look past every one of them.
After all,
He is a forgiving God.
And I believe it.
Take away the clouds of pain, grief, and abuse
So me and the golden rays of sunlight can be re-inteoduced.

Poetry

I want so badly
To jump on you
And hug you tight
That you hear the beat of my heart
But that will never happen
Because God called His child home.

Sometimes I think to myself
Why would He allow me to get close to you
Only to snatch you away from me?
My feelings don't matter I see,
So I'm carrying this burden with me unintentionally
But the pain is slowly killing me mentally, emotionally, and now physically
An its not that I hate God or nothing
Because I love him unconditionally
But I just want to know why...
Why'd He have to take you from me?

No one understands what I'm going through
They don't know what it feels like to live life without you
And even if I began to tell them,
They still wouldn't have a clue
As to why I walk around with my face so blue
And its only because tears take form in my soul
Due to the absence of you.
People say that nothing lasts forever
And this is true
Because memories slowly fade away too
Unlike your flesh
Which left me before i could catch my next breath

And honestly,
I can't sleep at night
Because all I can think about is you
And I can't eat
Because then i try to remember all of your favorite foods
Even when i sing a song,
My spirit always ends up singing a song that you use to sing along too.

And i know its been a long time
But no matter how hard i try
I just can't pluck you out of my mind
And I'm trying not to sound insane
But my emotions are something that i just can't seem to tame.

Losing you showed me that life is short
And forever ends sooner than you think.
At sixteen even mine
And i feel like i'm rapidly running out of time
So i attempted to count my blessings
But i stopped at 999
But i had to take back the one with your name on the dotted line
Because 10 years ago
You ended up dying
And i ended up crying
And i know that i could never forget you
But for some reason,
I  just keep trying
And i try to fake the feeling of happiness
Which is basically the same thing as lying.

They say all wounds heal over time
But it's been ten years
And the wound is still open wide
Maybe it will close..... Hopefully.
It doesn't bleed blood
It bleeds words
Which is why i just carved my emotions in between these lines
And simply titled it  poetry.

The Houston Streets

These streets are hard and cold
Littered with bullet shells
Which filled a body full of holes
Stained with the blood of someone who may forever be unknown.

On the corner stands Missy.
Business has been slow lately
So she's hiding from a man she calls "daddy"
But secretly running from the emotion of the Missy that once was.

On the corner across from her stands Dre
Selling dope to his brothers friend Chris
Who only wants to escape the presence
In hopes for a better future.
Mother always drunk and pissed
Blaming him for his father's absence.

Dogs barking
Kids yelling
Mrs. Jones screaming
Because Mr. Jones is going upside of her head.... Again.
For something she probably didn't do.
As always.

Baby crying.
Tasha cries along with her.
She can't raise a baby alone.
She's just a baby herself.
Ricky doesn't care about her or his child.
He only cares about his mama and himself.

Sister Patterson going around Houston spreading God's word.
As if everybody did't know that her and Deacon Jackson have been sleeping together for six months now.
Well... Everybody except Mrs. Jackson that is.

Ms. Katherine is working three jobs to raise her grandchildren
Because her selfish ass daughter disappeared to Miami
In hopes of becoming  a Basketball Wife.
To get rich like Shaunie, Evelyn, and Tami.

The streets of Houston is a cold, dangerous place
Because a bullet has no name
And a knife doesn't recognize race.
The scars of pain are permanent.
They cannot be erased.

Some people will never know even a portion of what I'm talking about.
Because every hood is separate from the rest of the world.
So how could they?
They're only on the outside looking in.

Imprisoned

Why do you this?
Why do you trap me...
No...
Why do you IMPRISON me
Behind the steel bars of lies and fraud?
You knew.


You kissed me
Because you knew that my soul would fall victim to the burning passion of your lips.
Even if i tried
I couldn't resist
And you knew.


Wrapping your arms around my waist
Making the room spin
The scar on my heart your trying to erase.
That ugly scar that only you could create
You knew.


Whispering "I love you" in my ear
When you knew it wasn't true.
Killing me softly in a room full of people.

But nobody noticed except me and you.

You knew. 

All this time I spent trying to forget you. 

But your name was carved in my memory.

All this time i spent attempting to hate you..

But my love for you lingered.

All of the time i spent away from you,

I thought i was strong enough to finally face you.

But i wasn't.

And you knew.

You wanted to imprison me in your world.

To lock me behind the steel bars of lies and fraud. 

All it takes is a touch, three words, and a single kiss to lure me in.

And you knew. ❤