In the Atmosphere

"She" is out there somewhere.

Swirling in the atmosphere.

I try not to say "our daughter" 

Because that is a bond we never got to share.

I feel like I have failed as a woman, wife, and mother.

I wasn't strong enough to bring a child into this world.

Just the thought makes my heart shutter.

My husband blames me.

I can see it in his eyes.

Although my accusations he denies,

His face says otherwise. 

Perfectly can i hear his silent cries.

And I dont blame him.

It is my fault. 

Myself i don't victimize.

"She" is like the sun that never got the chance to rise.

Now "She" is only the twinkle in the pale blue skies.

I wanted to shower her with hugs and kisses.

To give her a lifetime supply of a mother's love.

But that will never happen. 

And it's hard for me to swallow.

My tears fall like there is no tomorrow.

I'm carrying a ton of weight right now.

So it's hard to move foward.

But hopefully I can find the silver lining.

And then maybe relief can be uncovered.

And then maybe i wont walk around with my head lowered.

And maybe,

Just maybe,

One day i will look up high 

And see her face in the sky.

Because my baby is out there somewhere.

Swirling in the atmosphere.

But yet and still i can't say "our daughter"

Because that is a bond we never got to share. ❤