Tuesday, February 5, 2013

In the Atmosphere

"She" is out there somewhere.
Swirling in the atmosphere.
I try not to say "our daughter" 
Because that is a bond we never got to share.
I feel like I have failed as a woman, wife, and mother.
I wasn't strong enough to bring a child into this world.
Just the thought makes my heart shutter.

My husband blames me.
I can see it in his eyes.
Although my accusations he denies,
His face says otherwise. 
Perfectly can i hear his silent cries.
And I dont blame him.
It is my fault. 
Myself i don't victimize.

"She" is like the sun that never got the chance to rise.
Now "She" is only the twinkle in the pale blue skies.
I wanted to shower her with hugs and kisses.
To give her a lifetime supply of a mother's love.
But that will never happen. 
And it's hard for me to swallow.
My tears fall like there is no tomorrow.

I'm carrying a ton of weight right now.
So it's hard to move foward.
But hopefully I can find the silver lining.
And then maybe relief can be uncovered.
And then maybe i wont walk around with my head lowered.
And maybe,
Just maybe,
One day i will look up high 
And see her face in the sky.
Because my baby is out there somewhere.
Swirling in the atmosphere.
But yet and still i can't say "our daughter"
Because that is a bond we never got to share. ❤

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